5 Ways To Justify Your Next Indoor Plant Purchase To Your SO

Are you up to your eyeballs in fiddle leaf fig cuttings? Are there indoor plants in every corner of your house INCLUDING your bathtub? Did you sell your cat just to afford your latest indoor plant? And is your beloved (and completely irrational) partner cutting up your indoor plant loyalty card as we speak? Don’t tell ‘em to get stuffed just yet, we may just have a solution.

Here are five ways to justify your next indoor plant purchase to your significant other.

1.   They literally make you breathe easier*.

Did you know that sticking just two indoor plants next to your couch can drastically improve the air in the room? No? Well quick, tell your partner, because god knows how glorious that air’s gonna be when you fill your lounge with FORTY-TWO fiddle leaf figs. How do we know this? Because these air purifiers are what NASA calls ‘nature’s life support system’. And if there’s any authority we should be listening to, it’s bloody NASA. So, next time your SO tries to blanket your plant purchases, show them this study.

Indoor plants | Green Assembly

2.   Um, they can bring you back from the f*cking dead**.

We sh*t you not. There’s even a legit study from the Kansas State University that says decking out hospital rooms with indoor plants can speed recovery rates of surgical patients. So, by that logic, you’re basically a murderer UNLESS every surface in your house can photosynthesise. Now tell me how you sleep at night without a string of pearl brushing your forehead.


Indoor plants | Green Assembly

3.   They make you smarter & hella successful***.

Indoor plants have actually been proven by a bunch of bona fide scientists to increase attentiveness in classrooms and productivity in offices. One study we found on the internet proved that students were a whopping 70% more attentive when being taught in classrooms decked out in, you guessed it, INDOOR PLANTS. Similarly, another study that some smarty did in a Netherland’s tax office found that indoor plants boosted concentration levels through the bloody roof, while those tapping away at a computer for over four hours a day were more productive with a plant nearby. This is science, people, don’t question the science.

Image credit: Da Daa blog

4.   They can dampen crappy background noise****.

Have you got a couple of ‘young’ neighbours next door who like to push their TV’s surround sound to the limit with a few choice nineties anthems at 2am on a Saturday night? Well, indoor plants can make that all go away. Studies have shown that indoor plants have the ability to dampen background noise. Ok, so they can’t drown out the sound of Mambo No. 5 bleeding through your walls at the height of midnight, but they can help stifle annoying background sounds like traffic.

5.   They don’t sh*t on the floor & eat your Easter eggs*****.

Ain’t that the truth. The price of a Labradoodle puppy these days is somewhere around $2,000. The average houseplant? A cooool twenny. Plus, it doesn’t need daily walking, it doesn’t chew your knickers and it doesn’t crap on your polished floorboards when guests are over. If your squeeze reckons your plant addiction is costing them an arm and leg, try adopting a Siberian Husky with glaucoma.

Image credit: Design Sponge

At the end of the day, all signs (on Google) points to indoor plants being an investment in your health, career and quality of life. If your partner can’t see that, they’re not worth the purified air they’re respiring. Kick ‘em out and use the extra wardrobe space as a three-tiered herb garden.


**… kind of.

***I mean it hasn’t be disproved.

****For reals though.

*****This is a fact and perhaps your strongest case.

Main image credit: Alina Fassakhova